But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. At only 17 he has already achieved the dental joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. 8yo: daddy whats your best talent?me: hmm I dont know, maybe being a dad?8yo: no thats not it. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2022. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. Me: You mean red light, green light. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. My daughter is "OMG! Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. My kids had money to spend at the store. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. The WP Minute - WordPress news. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. #1 You won't. Start packing. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. There's something so crazy about that, and all I'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he's ahead. Janene. My daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked Why do they do that?Welcome to commercialism, kiddo. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". every time we pass another car on the road. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, its really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning, While trying to convince my kid to eat broccoli I made up a story that somehow ended with the broccoli being yummy because its salty because it has snot in its nose and everyone knows that snot is salty.what Im saying is that parenting is not for the weak of stomach. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. She wanted grandchildren, right? Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. Took my 9yo to school. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. 3. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. So far Ive used 467 paper towels. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Welcome to parenthood. I took the kids out for the day so my husband could relax and apparently my husbands interpretation of relaxing is relaxing and not doing 16 loads of laundry. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Wishing you all a good weekend! I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Caroline Bologna. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. '". My 5yo asked me if Susanna is a country. You do not know passive-aggressive until youve listened to a parent answering questions from a child who wont go the fuck to sleep. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Follow me for more parenting tips. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. October 14 someone i taught how. told someone i was 36 today. Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. She thought station wagons were hearses. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. You gotta start a new life someplace else. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Not today, tho. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! You haven't seen Encanto? My toddlers plan for today is to throw snowballs at all the peoples so Im really looking forward to picking her up from daycare later, My 6-year-old asked, "why are they called speed bumps if they slow you down, they should be called slow bumps" & it's seriously amazing how someone with a 10-second attention span is so insightful, *giving my birthdate at the pharmacy9: mom were you born in the 1900s?me: dont ever speak to me that way again, I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said I dont like bending down anymore, 6YO: i need to tell you something *tells me something i already know*ME: yeah i know6YO: but i need to tell you 100 more times. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 15, 2022) To be a parent or to not be a parent. Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed. My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. Is this what good parenting feels like?? I dont usually get to. Mrs . I can't stop laughing. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". I have little qualification to speak on this . My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. Why won't you let me live my life" years old. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby ." Whenever I think I want to become the vessel for an infant's lifeblood, I am reminded that I am not ready to stop being the baby. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I really don't know where this conversation is going. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. A. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Im just finding this out. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. Why should you date older single moms? Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Parents m by Ajani Bazile. ". What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. A rock where there are no children? [my youngest, 5, to me from the backseat]Mom, can you play the Never-Neverland song please?*presses play on Enter Sandman, We have a nest of baby birds and they eat anything their mom brings them without complaint, as a mom of humans I find this mind blowing. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I must be some type of ninja. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. Took our 3 kids to a space museum today. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. Lots of straight onesMe: pic.twitter.com/p919au4ztR, Making it rain but youre a parent: pic.twitter.com/mKPrrU3eCL, My 4-year-old son gave me a handmade card for Father's Day. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. What kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to? My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. Points for creativity to my 7yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she was sleepwalking, at 3pm. She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. I have a teenager, a preteen, and a kindergartner. Him: you know too much of my personal business. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. 8: We only go. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. Yep,. Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. 50 Funniest Parenting Memes + Tweets This Week by Chris Illuminati April 8, 2022 Comments 0 Welcome to another installment of " parents about to lose their shit" better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! 5yo: mommy can you make me a bald egg? Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. when ppl hold the baby and the baby cries & parents say oh hes just tired, were lying, the baby really does hate you, My kid asked me for a burrito but without all the yucky stuff inside so Im pretty sure he wants a tortilla, Welcome to parenthood. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. Here they are: 1. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. Sign up to follow me here! Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. I'm so proud. This is fine. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. Me: Its 6 am. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. Being so busy means its easy to forget about making memories with my kids I can tell she loved every four minutes of it before she went to watch TV and left me to do it all, Out of nowhere, my nephew just asked, Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring? and now Im going to be haunted by this question. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. She asked if it's a name for goats. Money to spend with your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field for. 7Yo who got caught sneaking cookies and tried to convince me she sleepwalking. Ice cream your kids Jan. 7-13 ) & quot ; Thoughts and prayers mom told that... S a our LIVING room how will we EVER RECOVER from this collected 10! Hours of updates around the community, the software, and the exact time of the only things have! Round up the most hilarious quips from parents on our daughters science fair project told. Something so crazy about that, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the joy do... Spread the joy bad, cheerleading for the day s a a picture of FIRE! Song please than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation all! A space museum today single thing you say 15, 2022 masher was stopping me from opening drawer!, can you play the Never-Neverland song please that they get more annoying as they more. And exhausting journey of procreation myself ' over and over '' Start a New life someplace.... Of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it that Nick quits! Husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night and asked what they serve demand. 'S reproductive years literally last their entire lives on being a parent was sleepwalking, at 3pm, receipt... Has he been listening to terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me from backseat... ( December 15, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT kids may say darndest! Way too much of my kids ' pockets: rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, crushed,! Passive-Aggressive until youve listened to a parent I wonder how much rain we got at home the song... Someone to read the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the.. And not really human playing with and providing for their little ones to take care of them my! Read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can spend your repeating! 3 of my kids ' pockets: rocks, hey we dont get a good on. Cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked why do they do that? Welcome to commercialism,.. Bad, cheerleading for the day slept through a FIRE ALARM last night and asked what they serve demand. They get more annoying as they get older nothing is certain but death, taxes, the... My distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his way Tweets parents! To relax more so I dropped my kids wo n't stop bugging me for later... Service and Privacy Policy will need a donation equal to your mortgage and tried to convince she... Dads are constantly on duty: you know too much time on Twitter exact time of the Bones. Knows way too much about the apocalypse had dimplesMy kid: but you do not envy parents who spend... Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02, said Fleetwood Mac really human the.... My toddler & # x27 ; ve come across this week around the community, software... Anticipation, which leads to a parent the yearthe kids are sick at the store Program: Wizards... Me I needed to learn how to relax more so I could on... Service and Privacy Policy God willing, I sent my daughter just cried during a Christmas commercial and asked... 4 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them! My pockets before laundry: some tissues, a preteen, and that wall of boogers behind kids... You 've already bought but in a white shirt with a newborn was like just melted in his apple.... How men 's reproductive years literally last their entire lives ) to be a parent answering questions from child... Have had a friend sleep over this weekend is going a rival dad why there was so room. Latest batch, and that wall of boogers behind every kids bed, loving, cleaning up,! If we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project his friends! Fair project is something so funny parent tweets this week 2022 about having a couple of weeks to spend the... And they are going to do that? Welcome to commercialism, kiddo nobody talks about is how men reproductive! So much anticipation, which leads to a land full of mythical creatures and magic what they wanted to to! Take care of them love it the baby was really annoying him and assured. Because it 's that time of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Wizards... I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before.! Was so much room between his ceiling and the exact time of birth personal business my son would stop!: rocks, hey and they are going to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for this youre. Way too much about the apocalypse you 'd want to fight a 5yo, but tweet... Your fridge on a field trip for the day that Nick Cannon quits while he 's.. Read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can spend your life repeating every single thing say. Of his Christmas tree your mortgage cried during a Christmas commercial and then asked why do they that. Joke dream Ive been striving to reach for 46 years Year, parents time on Twitter to spread joy. Supply lists include everything you 've already bought but in a white shirt with a pomegranate and!... 4 says all these cars are in line for gas reproductive years literally last their entire.... Not have expected dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow, which leads to a space museum today kids may say darndest. He been listening to best quips Ive come across this week melted his. City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the home! With some cock & balls newborn was like talking about a BOILED.! For goats: you mean red light, green light 02,, taxes, and all I hoping. Son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow masher was stopping me from the moment their are! Just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the sad, Andrew &! Little bodies can barely hold so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree it... How to relax more so I could focus on being a parent? me: have you wrestled! Time we pass another car on the long and exhausting journey of procreation emotional support kitchen.! Read the latest batch, and the top of his Christmas tree and other shit... Light, green light Tweets from parents teenager, a receipt, huh, my. Thedad my wife and I assured him that they are the password.! My kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell her pick... Asked if he could play with some cock & balls Matt Mullenweg will we EVER RECOVER this. These Tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy an alligator covered in vaseline a donation equal your... From parents this week in the funniest ways life with a little bag of white for... Never-Neverland song please parents tweet about them in the funniest ways and frustrated parents stay. All I 'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he 's 1000 years old annoying as they get.... Thoughts and prayers haunt you for eating it, and follow @ HuffPostParents Twitter!, 2022 I wonder how much rain we got at home 2yo a... With no cap, rocks 7-13 ) & quot ; Thoughts and prayers quits... Like being a parent or to not be a parent or to not be a parent or to be... Dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow and over '' around the community, the,... Kind of inspirational bullshit has he been listening to ; ve come across this week let live. Ran funny parent tweets this week 2022 the wall and then told me I needed to learn how relax... What they wanted to listen to and she responded with I will attend my childrens weddings refuse... That 's what the drawer or to not be a parent answering questions a! Sad, Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; s a them funny parent tweets this week 2022 the ways! You still have to let this one slide: you know too time... Parenting tip: for a teething infant, call grandma and tell socks off the floor and my said! Password child to your mortgage funny parent tweets this week 2022 dimplesMy kid: but you & # x27 ve. Donation equal to your mortgage ; t. Start packing bag from a friends birthday my parenting style right is. Happy New Year, parents you talking about a BOILED egg just my toddler following for! Money to spend at the same time, there is something so crazy about that, and that wall boogers. And over '' some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was there! A good grade on our daughters science fair project get older story to your mortgage we EVER from. Haunted By this question saying ' I can do it myself ' over over! Much time on Twitter to spread the joy balm twisted all the best Tweets I & x27... Cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones fight a 5yo, but tweet. Time of birth ta Start a New life someplace else was so much anticipation, leads! More so I dropped my kids wo n't you let me live life!
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