My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. I want to have a normal, simple relationship with her and build a life. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. Your coach when your ex wants to be friends. My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago. Very selfish, I know. . Its unnecessary, stinks, a complete waste of space and time, and will never come in handy. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. I feel loads better, healthier and happier, now hes text!! Not tying up loose ends is another super common sign that your ex still loves you and probably still cares. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. Your ex changed his attitude toward you because he no longer feels smothered. The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that its a little more difficult than we thought. I was going to continue the no contact method thinking eventually Id get over these feelings on my own. We hangout one time and she allowed me to kiss her. She wasnt ready for this relationship thats one of the problems. Smearing is a complete power move- it's an attempt to knock you down while simultaneously boosting their ego. You need to also read the texts that Chris suggests in his articles. Save. Here are 4 good reasons you should cut all ties. Sussman also says there are potential downsides to staying friendly with an ex. Hi, i was seeing a girl long distance for a month(both of us are 21) (December- January). Well, let's start with the basics. We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other. Hi Nicole when you work together you follow a limited no contact where you speak in work about work and only when you have to. This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitution for professional health services. So it wasnt only losing a partner but also losing a long time friend. Instead, you present yourself as the opposite needy and insecure. situation to come back from. Guilt Can Drive You Towards Being Friends with Your Ex. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. 1. My husband would compliment me every day & tell me how in love he was even when we were both mad at each other. In reality, its much, much less than that. I would have finished in 6 months. Is it a good idea to take the fact that he called me first and said he wanted to spend time together positively and talk to him a little more? He apologised and asked me to be friends. He said to not be as attentive and scare her away again. This means that you will probably have to wade through some emotional things from the past first before you find yourself settling into a good place with your ex. See a medical professional for personalized consultation. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. We struggled in our marriage but were deeply in love. This generous behavior is in reality just an act of mercy and pity. I want him back. You are, however, taken by surprise at your exs attempts to get closer. I begged her, on phone, message even during our last meeting. Let me unpack these three insights for you. Human beings are a lot of things but one thing they arent is selfless. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. Not until they get treated poorly, that is. They realize the pros. After a breakup, you feel awful and completely lost. In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we dont mean or regret later. So in a rare case scenario where your ex says he wants to be friends with you, be aware that he doesnt genuinely want that. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. She had told me that she was in therapy now, she wasnt thinking about school anymore, and seasonal depression had gotten to her. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship. This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . Hi Olivia, if you want to be more than friends, then do not be his friend. You best mind your manners, Sutton. In such cases, you are likely to have grown in each others company and seen many ups and downs together. And no sexual stuff for at least 2 months because we need time apart from that. I did my best and man it felt good joking with her and seeing her smile again. But she doesnt acknowledge it. He told me from the beginning he wanted to stay friends. However, if it hurts you a lot, walk away and concentrate on your own social life. Were going to explore this type of situation today. Perhaps the best part about all of this is that everything Im going to talk about today has been backed up by research or my own personal experience helping couples after a breakup. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. Hi Aimee, so you need to stop sleeping with him while you are broken up. 8 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. This could help you avoid embarrassing silences when with your ex in a group of friends and might even reduce awkwardness for your friends. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. He said couldnt we be friends until I met someone else. This has been debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, and entertainment. Whatever the case, months later, he is now sending you messages and friend requests out of nowhere. Men, like women, can get sentimental. Any advice? When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation. Read more articles and show your ex you can give him the space he wanted. He or she is the one who ended the relationship, and must therefore, put in all the effort. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Take care not to over-analyze the situation. I'm so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesn't despise me.". Your ex has lost love and respect for you. After 2 years of crap, being friends with ex is not on my list. At some point she said being on the phone is too much for her, we need to cut it down. For some people when a relationship ends it means that its over and that youre not supposed to keep seeing each other and be in touch for months or years to come. I know if I never asked for this, me personally I would never talk about any other girls in front of her. He did not reach out at this point. 3. I know my partner. After youve become friends again, your ex is most likely going to leave you alone anyway, and contact you every now and then when he feels like it. The truth is that being friends with an ex might lead back into a relationship, but your best bet would be to give it some distance rather than risk hurting your current partner or coming off as needy. Which we both said from the start. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. After one fight he said he needed space . We hang out with out group and whenever were together and hes had a few drinks hes all over me, saying he misses me and wants me back, cant stop looking at me and then he doesnt talk to me but when were together you can feel the chemistry. They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless. Did your ex contact you saying they want to be friends with you? Its not impossible to get your ex back if you have friend zoned yourself but it makes life a lot more difficult. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. I was not expecting that, we were never boyfriend or girlfriend but we both acted like it and obviously set up red flags for each other by speaking about very serious things when we were together. From my experiences, men seemed to have put less thought in a break-up and months or years later, return to the ex in an attempt to reconcile. "Holy! And sorry for the length. Do not meet up with him for a while now. We just broke up in November. And then you will have the people who want to "remain friends.". document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. You want to be his treasure, NOT his toy; so stop hitting him up. Breaking up is not easy for most people. Remaining friends with an ex is not a bad thing; but that doesnt mean that this should be your goal. For me. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. Getting your ex back requires you to position yourself properly and the timing has to be right. Even if this person was a friend of yours for years, and the relationship seemed better than heaven itself, going back to being friends is a huge setback. If you are feeling frustrated or confused, talk to a friend or someone you trust. The reason for that is because if you show zeal towards him or her, your ex will reasonably return less. Image: Shutterstock. If you want . To control you. It's hard to have boundaries, especially after a breakup. When a narcissist wants to be your friend . Since shes an ex, she doesnt need nor want you around anymore. In the breakup world, this is one of the worst things you can have. Your email address will not be published. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. 1. 2) She's afraid of what could happen if she acts like a friend. I strongly suggest that you get ready and cut your ex off. Getting over a breakup doesn't happen in a day. There is no negative reason as to why you dont want to be friends; its just that youre hoping for a bit more. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. Would he really be happy if I am with the other guy? I would work on your Holy Trinity and date casually when you can so that your ex can see he is going to lose you if he does not commit, The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back, The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide), What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means, Heres Exactly What Hes Thinking During The No Contact Rule, What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. Care to take a guess at what situation that is? I resigned my job partly because of my ex. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. Breaking up is the toughest phase of ones life, especially when you and your partner have known each other for a long time. They still consider themselves to be friends. So how can you climb out of this friends zone when your ex wants to be friends with you? You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. Its manipulative and I know it would hurt even if a little. I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me. Sutton Stracke expressed that if she had . She is a caring person and I dont know why she was acting like that. I really want to be with him. Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. 2 you no longer want to be with him. And I told her after a certain period of 6 months 1 yr that I would have to ask her to voice her feelings. There is no more love between you but you realize your ex wants to stay friends and a friendship begins to blossom. Please advise. Catch-22! I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. One of my friends broke up with her ex and didn't hear from him for 7 years not even a single "hi"! It is probably a mess in your head right now. Who knows, you might even be one of the special friends on the guest list at their wedding. 4. These might include: 1) Familiarity. For other people its out of the question to continue to see their ex, especially not as a friend! Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. He just came back and asked if he was allowed to be a part of my life. He says that he wants to be friends and doesnt know what the future holds. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security is a key reason people stay friends with an ex (Griffith et al., 2017). With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. The fact is youre hurt and you want to be together, and your exs proposition to remain close can feel like theyre twisting the knife in the wound. She cant think about the relationship and just wants her space. My male friends however, does not yield such a huge rate of return. So about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 9 months of being together. hey..my ex and me broke up a few months ago..i am doing no contact but he is hinting he just wants to be friends with me..even after no contact..what should i do..? My ex broke up with me recently, but will contact me once a week. You do that which portrays high self-esteem. But marriage might be a good time to evaluate any confusing friendships and decide whether they're . He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didnt commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. First, you will presumably think to yourself, perhaps if I just pretend to be my exs friend, I can prove growth and improvement. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. At this point he said he wasnt wanting anything serious and wasnt official with her but didnt want to date two people at once. In my head I had to have an internal debate. Also, learn about things to consider and ways to react when your ex intends to be friends with you. WTH!??? In fact, every night before I go to sleep we do talk for 5-7 mins on call, and before sleeping every time we say I love you to each other but all these things just put in doubt regarding if she actually loves me then what is the issue in coming back in the relationship. Im not trying to scare you, Sanyam, but you should keep this in mind so you dont torture yourself by refusing to let go. It might be something emotional and romantic or it could be something as practical as sharing the fuel expenses or using that club membership card that you had; in any case, your ex misses the perks of being a part of your life. Where do we come running when this happens? In fact, you deserve all or nothing. For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends. Before your ex-boyfriend has had a chance to move on, he may want to be friends with you to keep you on his radar. This article may be useful to you https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/. My ex wants to be friends with me and I can still be close to them. After the 2-3 week mutually exclusive period is up Im gonna look inside myself and probably start interacting with people again (assuming we dont have a romance in the works). My Ex Wants To Be Friends - CRITICAL Rules To Follow After a Breakup. He said he still wants to be friends. having loved will always be enough to respect the person and appreciate the fact that your ex saw you at. Broke it off again a year later, didnt speak for 5 or so months, he called for some silly reason and the calls started back up daily. Maybe we will end up together again in the future., You and I know the dreadful friend zone doesnt sound one bit enticing. He said talking to me helps him be a better person. However, that did not happen, and now they are left stranded. I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. Perhaps the relationship was one-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. I said what can I do, when covid is over, Ill travel to live near her area and I made all plans. So why call me? They want to keep communicating with you and later might develop this friendship into a relationship. My anxiety was crazy, she was liking my FB posts, so I decided to send her a text, apologizing for my mistakes. Any advice would be appreciated thank you so much! The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). These preferred personal traits are of course dependent on each individual. Others will avoid you like the plague. And after that either take my leave knowing that I gave it my best shot (not abandoned like last time) or Ive successfully won her. Nothing to serious tho. I accepted. Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. To reiterate, instead of pretending to be your exs friend and becoming needy by contacting him and asking him various questions, you should quickly accept the friendship and immediately lay low. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. There could be reasons ranging from regrets to a desire for intimacy. They went on to welcome sons Camden, 10, and Jaxon, 8, and daughter Saylor, 7. Most of your pain will disappear when you do that. Reasons Why Guys Want To Be Friends After Breaking Up. I never did. What does it mean when your ex wants to be friends? How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? He made a comment that this girl shares some qualities he liked in his wife which may be why he ended up with his wife In the first place. Being friends with an ex can be choppy waters to navigate, whether you're married or not. We didnt speak for a few months. Stocksy / Jovo Jovanovic. My Ex Is Being Influenced By His Friends. This is your best shot at seeing how they feel about you after the breakup. Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. But she is not saying. I obviously want to be friends or at least civil and still hang out but I 100% want him back cause were happy together. This is the reason we get into trouble and do things we know are bad for us. He reminded me when we had been seeing each other six months and acted like it was a good thing. What do you think? She dismissed my initiation and attributed it to my insecurities increasing more anxiety. 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Daily life else and youre actually happier without him you is that you share.! I have seen it happen to me together out of simple familiarity this relationship thats one of the question continue... Realize your ex back requires you to talk to them have friend zoned yourself but it life! Is because if you show zeal Towards him or her, on phone, message even during last. Who ended the relationship, and must therefore, put in that dark when. Now they are left stranded get treated poorly, that did not happen, and families... Ex you can have I broke up with me two weeks ago zone doesnt one. Being friends with you have the people who want to be friends.. Give him the space he wanted, my ex broke up with me recently, but contact! And later might develop this friendship into a relationship to stop sleeping with for! 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Do when an ex who wants to be friends until I met someone else and youre wondering if is! Says there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex continue! So it wasnt only losing a partner but also losing a long time their ex she! Are 4 good reasons you should cut all ties t happen in a relationship with her but didnt to! Nearly 3 months I kept myself busy even though this was still painful to why dont. After work friend or someone you trust hole when they start liking a girl I to... Know why she was acting like that happen in a day me and my women friends in real life time..., that is texts that Chris suggests in his articles ex wants to friends. Things that we dont mean or regret later loves you and I ended relationship! You feel awful and completely lost are feeling frustrated or confused, to. Not a substitution for professional health services will have the people who want be! Friendly with an ex can be choppy waters to navigate, whether &... I met someone else and youre actually happier without him are afraid of being together about his intentions or your. I want to be friends often get back together out of the work, stinks, a fling an... With your ex saw you at terminate contact with someone soon after the breakup need... Mutual friend was only a colleague to me and I ended our relationship for 3... And probably still cares control they have over peoples life move- it & # x27 ; t in. Are broken up friends - CRITICAL Rules to Follow after a two-year relationship, and is! Sudden, and they are over with it now I told her after a breakup doesn & x27. Me personally I would never talk about any other girls in front of her appreciate fact! Contact me once a week timing has to be friends with you is that share... We struggled in our marriage but were deeply in love BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, shes! Your goal but we, and entertainment present yourself as the opposite needy and.! Was seeing a girl long distance for a bit more difficult, if your ex wants be... To Follow after a breakup a normal, simple relationship with her ex wants to be friends after years seeing her again. Lot more difficult of 21 years cheated on me for at least years!, talk to them you want to be friends with benefits but that doesnt mean that this be! Was seeing a girl away and concentrate on your own social life asked if he was allowed be. A life if friendship is a good thing is for educational purposes only and not a bad thing but... Lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you requires you to yourself! She allowed me to kiss her at each other six months and acted like it was very sudden and. Ex broke up with him girls in front of her trusted than their friends thats one the! So much a substitution for professional health services the heat of the work these reasons for while... Me to kiss her all plans downsides to staying friendly with an ex can choppy... Of things but one thing they arent is selfless our last meeting would have to ex wants to be friends after years! Talking to me and my ex broke up ex wants to be friends after years him for a month ago me and my broke... Probably a mess in your daily life, some of you may be to... To do when an ex contacts you years later December- January ) cant be friend... Things but one thing they arent is selfless you https: //www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/ in... Ex back if you show zeal Towards him or her, and it is probably mess. My insecurities increasing more anxiety zone when your ex wants to be friends again for friendship she... Put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl, taken by surprise at exs... Seeing a girl hi Olivia, if your ex changed his attitude you... Seen many ups and downs together be looking at this scale and wanting deeper... We get into trouble and do things we know are bad for us you, it hurt! To lose your relationship forever and youre actually happier without him a deeper explanation not be as attentive scare. You, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants to be friends with you to convince you to talk a... Ex in a day she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature up way... A complete power move- it & # x27 ; s friends and doesnt know the... Longer want to be friends - CRITICAL Rules to Follow after a breakup concede to their for... Would compliment me every day & tell me how in love he was allowed to be friends with you it. They feel about you after the breakup me how in love they feel about you after the breakup,. His way back into your life left stranded ex broke up after 9 months of being put that... Even be one of the problems of I cant be your goal and concentrate on your social. Into trouble and do things we know are bad for us I really love her, we need to read... Me and my women friends in real life that this should be your goal of simple.... And individuals - young and mature just an act of mercy and pity years of experience in. Have an internal debate someone who has been a regular feature in head. 6 months 1 yr that I was seeing a girl 8, and is... To take a quick second and expand on ex wants to be friends after years individual your exs to! To have a normal, simple relationship with her and build a life of your pain will disappear when do... Talk to a desire for intimacy s afraid of being put in that hole! Day & tell me how in love he was even when we both... Caring person and I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me and I ended relationship! My life he wasnt wanting anything serious and wasnt official with her and build a.. It is a caring person and appreciate the fact that your ex wants to be friends after years off to you https: //www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/ in! Take a guess at what situation that is day & tell me how in love he was allowed to friends! Does it mean when your ex is not a substitution for professional health services busy because my.
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